| it a long story |
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| 12:37am 31/08/2003 |
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Reticence and desire. Wants and fears. What makes the world go round. Somedays, at least. But it's a human thing to keep trying. Perhaps all one needs is a learn exercise, or a dozen, or more. Wanting to write without writing is like wanting to bicycle without pedaling. Pretty silly.
Fake it 'till you make it would say, just keep putting words down and eventually you'll find the words you want write about.
And how was your summer? (The ancient forms do have a purpose.)
Well, aside from becoming a single father, rather uneventfull. Which means it was strange and busy, challenging and rewarding.
So anyway... |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| 10:04pm 19/05/2003 |
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What, back again? Been a while, though. Too bad I'm not more obsessive about the effort. |
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| beautiful enormity |
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| 05:30am 01/03/2003 |
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Life is such a beautiful enormity. In every grain of sand, in every whirling planet, wonder lurks and beauty is. It leaves me amazed that anything ever gets done, aside from folks just standing around going... wow...
In the good, in the bad, these currents, these possibilities, exist, requiring nothing more (that's a lie) than to be open to what could be.
To accomplish something seems to require closing one self off to certain possibilities in order to enhance the chances of other possibilities. You can't walk toward something without, simultaneously, deciding to walk away from something.
How annoying.
I want to be able to appreciate it all, to understand it all, to know how it all works and ties together, and I know it's impossible. Even in satori-like moments, one has to either zoom out so far that all detail is lost, or to simply accept it all, simultaneously, in a way that doesn't say much more than "A equals A".
Contradictions, complications, the warp and the woof of life and existance.
Beautiful enormity. How overwhelming.
And yet one must persever, or perish. We are driven by the way our molecules are arranged, by the accepted necessities of these temporary housings of our being. |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| 02:10am 16/02/2003 |
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Downloading update to Entropia.
Been a while. Had several interesting conversations recently with RA. Trying to decide if I should file the serial numbers off 'em and post one or more here.
Comparisons to CH? CR? |
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| 08:29pm 16/01/2003 |
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Good movie on whatever. Albert Brooks and a goth chick. And Latka's girlfriend from Taxi is her mom. Guess I could look it up on the cable page. My First Mister. The goth girl's dad is John Goodman. It's portrayl of perceptions is interesting.
Need catagories for entries, more than subject lines, though that field could be used for such in a pinch. |
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| reflections |
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| 01:26am 16/01/2003 |
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thinking backward to see the future?
if one were to post
hmm, like seeing just the tips of the waves.
anyways, the motivation for this post was the memory of a photograph. Not sure if it's still extant, or where it would be. How long ago would take some thought. I'm not sure if I recall having see it at Nanny's or is just that the setting of the picture was a porch on Nanny and Big Daddy's (my dad's parents). More specifically, on one of the porch swings. Their house had a wrap around porch that encompassed nearly three sides of the house, and one across the back which was more of a utility porch.
But, back to the photograph. (now that's discipline :-P )
A very young me. uhhh... 2? 3? And a girl of similar age, who had the biggest head of curly hair
(why isn't there a word so offensive to white people that even saying it once in a public forum can be the cause for receiving censure? opprobrium? ...catching shit in other words.)
plug-in communities
And I was thinking of how the girl's hair in that photograph reminded me of how this other girl's hair looks in my memories. |
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| plans and thoughts |
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| 11:29pm 14/01/2003 |
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Need something neat and easy for catagory/keywords kinda thing.
would be particularly useful for back searches
need to kick out a couple chockoblocks if that's gonna work tho |
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| onward |
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| 09:34pm 12/01/2003 |
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mood:  calm
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Cruising in my mind and flirting with the idea of public display (of my mind :-P )
Passing time with the Cartoon Network. And indulging this writer notion. In grudging lil' bites.
Can't think of any reason except some abstract form of stage fright. Blankness in the face of the white page. Why spoil it with my verbal drool? Will it "save the day"? (I like the PowerPuff Girls, so sue me.)
Back later |
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| 11:19pm 31/12/2002 |
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moving forward in lil' bites.
we move into the future one second/second. like duh. but it is time travel.
brr... |
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| 10:09pm 31/12/2002 |
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Back for more, again.
Targeted writing. Happy New Year's Eve. Variety and range. Maximum terse.
I'd be playing PoQ, but it tends to interfere with cartoon viewing and there's a really good lineup on as Cartoon Network presents Adult Swim's New Year's Eve Bash.
No diplomatic solution, can you project forward? |
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| 12:03am 24/12/2002 |
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'twas the night before Christmas, etc, and so forth. I still recall it as I memorized it for the Rawls Springs fifth grade pre-Christmas stageshow (1971, in fact).
Moving off the bell curve. and on to Bell's theorem. Mundane puddles of belly button gazing (of muzings) from an altered point of view. And hoping not to sound trite.
Daunting, but he hopes to carry on because, as they say, perseverence furthers. |
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| 10:41pm 22/12/2002 |
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just noticed that the previous updates are all five days apart. Four times in a row? That's practically a tradition.
Owning to Prince of Qin was half as much at Target, compared to the Walmart pricing, I ended up with one copy for my sister as intended, annnnd a copy for me, along with a promise to myself to return Walmart's copy to them for an appropriate refund tomorrow.
I find it curious that it seems the Chinese had no element for air. (Prince of Qin is structured around the five Chinese Elements of Wood, Metal, Fire, Water, Earth (versus the standard (?) Greek perhaps, Grecian Elements of Earth, Wind, and Fire (and Water :-)
Anyhoo, I'm off to install and play. |
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| 10:12pm 22/12/2002 |
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whew...
Focus, he said.
bubbles of probability, waves, turing machines (infinite tape drive variety), and some other thing, but back to the notion of productivity.
yikes.
fer instance, I had a hundred dollar bill, given to me by a friend for work as yet undone. And near as I can reckon, I dropped it in the movie theater while fishing in my pocket for quarters, so my daughter and I could play this dual racing video game. From the time I noticed was it was missing, until having deduced that that was where it went astray, I was peeved with me. But I consoled myself by think that it surely had made someone's day. |
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| back for more |
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| 08:28pm 17/12/2002 |
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errmm.. real life events or comedy bits dreamt up while sitting on the toilet?
some of both, perhaps. Time slices. Wry observations. (...like, is there any shortage on those?)
Concurrent activity: IMing with an old friend of mine. Who (whom?) I first met some 20 years ago.
Yeah, life's funny like that, always something wanting done.
Way true.
So in the mean time, as she does what ever it is she's doing, and gets back around to replying. I'll carry on over here and work on gettings thoughts into words. I've always enjoyed the idea of recorded thought. Of course with the notion that the purpose of recording thought is to either offer oneself a reminder, or to eventually share with others. For their amusement, or (and I admit it's presumptious of me to think so)edification.
I mean, I think I occasionally have a thought that forms into words in such a way as to just tickle me pink (for lack of a better expression), and if other folks, through some strange quirk of fate, might enjoy it even a fraction as much, then that would be a good thing, wouldn't it? |
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| 09:01pm 12/12/2002 |
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mood:  blank
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The need to develop a discipline. A little later than one might wish, but that shouldn't be a reason against beginning. The practice of causing one to do what one should, especially when that one is one's self. A discipline of expression.
Time and effort. Regardless of what one "feels" like. The product of discipline, the visible results. That's a part of what this is. Creating visible results of expression. or as expression. |
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| 01:37am 07/12/2002 |
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mood:  quixotic
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And so it begins. |
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mj987's journal
